Apple Is Officially the Least Cool Tech Company—And We Need to Talk About It
The Decline of Cool
Remember when owning an iPhone meant you were ahead of the curve? When pulling out that sleek little rectangle gave you an air of sophistication? When having a green text bubble was basically social exile? Well, wake up babes, because those days are over. Apple is officially the lamest tech brand out there—and it’s their own fault.
Siri, The Flop Era
Let’s start with the biggest embarrassment: Siri. How is it possible that in 2025, Apple’s AI assistant is still as useless as it was in 2011? Meanwhile, Google and OpenAI are out here making AI assistants that can hold full conversations, summarize books, and basically replace your therapist. And what does Siri do? “Here’s what I found on the web.” Oh, cool, thanks. Didn’t realize I asked for a worse version of Google Search.
AI? Never Heard of It
Speaking of artificial intelligence—Apple is so far behind, it’s embarrassing. ChatGPT, Gemini, and Claude are evolving at the speed of light, while Apple is just sitting there like, “We’ll have something… eventually.” News flash: eventually is too late.
Holding an iPhone Is an Extreme Sport
Why is every iPhone shaped like a slippery bar of soap? Every new model is a bigger, heavier, more awkward-to-hold disaster. Ever tried using an iPhone 15 Pro one-handed? It’s a literal wrist workout.
Where’s My Flip Phone, Tim?
Samsung, Motorola, even Google—they all have flip phone options. Where’s Apple’s? Nowhere. We could be out here flipping our phones shut with an attitude, serving 2005 energy in 2025, but no. Apple refuses to give us anything fun.
Green Text Bubbles Are a Social Construct
Apple still refuses to fully support RCS messaging because they’re petty and controlling. Instead of innovating, they spend time gatekeeping iMessage so that Android users look like social rejects. If your whole brand strategy revolves around bullying Android users, maybe it’s time to rethink your business model.
Innovation? Apple Doesn’t Know Her
What was the last truly exciting thing Apple did? The Dynamic Island? That’s just a slightly fancier notch. The Vision Pro? Another VR headset no one asked for. Meanwhile, Samsung and Google are dropping game-changing AI and futuristic flip phones, while Apple just tweaks widgets for the 100th time.
The Bottom Line? Apple Is Boring
Apple used to be the cool girl. Now she’s the out-of-touch millennial still quoting Vine in 2025. Every new iPhone launch is basically copy-paste—add a new color, charge $200 more. It’s time for Tim Cook & Co. to wake up and start actually innovating.